Saturday afternoon and I'm still in comfy PJ bottoms. I'm pretty okay with this. I'm having an off week of trying to reevaluate choices, and what's okay, what's not okay, if I'm doing it all the right way. Then, I start to understand there is no right way... and along with that logic, there's absolutely no reason to waste time worrying about it.
I found a little happy spot on the web called Tiny Buddha. There is not one bad post there. The Buddhist way isn't something I practice the way I feel I should, however it is the only way that has made me feel at ease when I'm trying to find peace in my life. The writers over at Tiny Buddha make understanding life just a little easier. There was a post on not worrying about what's going to happen, as the stress is just unreasonable. To live in the now, because it just makes sense... and to stop with the excuses, because nothing is guaranteed. The writer pointed fingers at all who was reading, telling us to admit that we make excuses for almost anything we have or haven't done, even point fingers to someone else. I'm not sure if I actively point fingers to others, but I do know that I definitely make excuses. Why didn't I get to this today, why didn't we do this today, why didn't I do what I wanted to do, etc... it's all so silly... because I can't come up with a good reason now... however, in the moment I had a reason to not do something, or to do something that was a little selfish.
As I mentioned before, I don't find any real peace with the classic Christianity or bible or god. However, I find peace in the Buddhist ways. A part from that, I found myself in a spot online where someone had mentioned that someone's post had 32 "Me", "I" "self" statements. My eyes became big. She's right. This post wasn't mine, but I can see how it's so easy to feel a moment of despair and only see us, our side, and why it's all on us, and our feelings etc. The number one thing to remember is happiness is the epitome of doing and living peacefully. Sometimes this means putting our fears and our sadness aside, and focusing on the here and now and doing things today and in the moment, for others, for family, for loves, for friends, etc. In the end, it all just kind of works out. For years I worked to believe in the philosophy that if I did things to help others daily, things that I wouldn't necessarily want to do, that good things will appear before me. I don't know if this was a way for me to understand that if I don't do anything good, I don't deserve good things to happen... but I know it was a way for me and my mind to do things that I wanted to do for others, and understand that it will be okay that I put myself on the back burner.
As a mother, and a significant other, I probably put my "wants" on the back for awhile or maybe never get to them. Though, I find pleasure in doing things that don't necessarily benefit me in any way. In an odd way, that benefits me.
So mommy's... how do you cope? What are your mechanisms? How do you know that in a time of need or a time of despair, things will definitely turn around and be okay? What about when money is low, or when you aren't working, or bills aren't getting paid? What about when you can't exactly do what you believe is necessary? How do you get through it?
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